#9 – help me

I haven’t written here in a while because my love life has taken an incredible turn for the worse. Let me start from the beginning, though.

Almost 8 months ago, in September 2012, I started dating a guy who I’d been friends with since October 2011 (we met in university, and we’re both studying Law). In fact, he’d been interested in me ever since we met, but he’d never had the courage to do anything – which is actually a good thing, seeing as I wasn’t interested in him until September/October ’12.

ANYWAY. We’ve broken up twice already, and it’s always because of the same thing: he’s too clingy. Just toooooo clingy. But then, you know, I start missing him, and I think ‘maybe we can compromise’ and, for a while, we can. But then we don’t. Then it gets worse, and worse, and he keeps insisting to be together, and the more he insists, the less I feel like being with him.

It’s such a huge, unnecessary mess, and I know we’re better off without each other. He says I’m always putting everyone else in front of him (which is not true), and he unfortunately lives his life around me, and always has me as his first priority. I don’t want a relationship like that! Also, um … I kind of NEED to study and to hang out with other people but him.

Seriously, I just need you all to colectively say: break up. Break up. And maybe I’ll get the courage to break his fragile little heart again and to feel guilty when news of him drinking too much and not focusing on his exams reach my ears.

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#3 – The ‘Cuban’

The ‘Cuban’ was a meaningless (but kind of necessary at the same time) chapter of my life. You see, I was 14 years old and in my 9th grade. All of my friends were getting boyfriends and having their first kiss, they texted boys back and forth all the time, and I was just there, single and text-less. So, when I was sitting on the steps of my school one afternoon with my best friend and this new foreign student walked by and stared at me the entire time, I decided to take action.

I was 14, though, so when I say ‘take action’, I mean that people started spreading the word ‘oh, I hear Cuban is interested in Isis’ ‘I think she’s interested too’, blah blah, until it reached his ears. It all happened very fast, actually. He asked me to ‘take a walk around the school’ with him (unfortunately, it was how we all spent all of our recesses), told me he liked me, and kissed me.

My first kiss was nothing wonderful and romantic. It was just that, a kiss. I was inexperienced, so I basically just did whatever he did and prayed to God it was okay. It started open-mouthed right away, and then he just got his tongue in the mess and I just thought ‘to hell with it …’

We became boyfriend and girlfriend after that, but the relationship only lasted three or four months, until I graduated middle school and went to my 10th grade (first year of high school), leaving him behind. Oh right, did I mention he was one year younger than me, therefore in his 8th grade? Right. Also, I didn’t get a texting partner at all, because he didn’t even have a cellphone. I’m not sure he has one right now, actually.

During those three/four months, though, we spent many recesses holding hands and walking together, kissing but not really making out (14 year old me didn’t know the difference and thought kissing for a long time was the same thing as making out), and smoking together. Ahh, the joys of dating someone who also smokes.

In any case, on the last day of 9th grade exams, we had a talk and decided to break up, because the distance would be too big (I’m not even lying when I say our high school is 2 streets down from our middle school) and I’d find a high school guy to be interested in. This ended up being very true, actually. But, like all other stories, that is a story for another time.

As he told me that we had to break up, I got a little teary-eyed, but didn’t cry. Instead, I smiled at him, wished him good luck with everything, and went to meet my friends at the bar, where I cried about 5 tears, had a soda, a cigarette, and moved on to greener (or not, really) pastures.

‘Cuban’, although meaningless, marked the start of my dating life. And boy, what a life it has been! I can’t wait to tell you about it.

 Until next time,

Isis

#2 – of second chances and dating personalities

I had originally planned on this blog being filled with posts about my love life, in a chronological order. However, after I broke up with my (now ex-)boyfriend last night, I felt compelled to write a post about something slightly different. You see, I want to talk about second chances and about the three types of dating personalities.

Second chances are tricky and, in most cases, they don’t work out so well. The truth is, if you had to give someone a second chance, it’s because it hadn’t worked out the first time around. Yes, it’s by making mistakes that you learn, but in certain cases it’s not that simple. If it didn’t work out because of the person’s own personality, then it’s because you just don’t work out together, you’re not compatible. You can’t expect someone to change over you, just as someone else can’t expect you to change over them.

I was once told that, when it comes to relationships, there are three types of people: the ‘clingy’ ones, the ‘normal’ ones, and the ‘indifferent’ ones. For two whole years, I was in between the ‘clingy’ and ‘normal’ category, and I honestly thought it was fine to bother your boyfriend all the time with texts and wanting to be with him, and just generally obsessing over him. I was very dependent of him. Then, once we broke up, I radically moved to the ‘indifferent’ category.

And I have to say, the ‘indifferent’ category is the best. If you’re dating someone and they don’t give you a lot of attention, you don’t care, because you never really wanted it in the first place. It bothers you to constantly be ‘cute’ with someone, and you can basically do whatever you want without feeling any kind of remorse. But, of course, there is a bad side to it as well.

Sooner or later, you get tired of being ‘indifferent’. You want to feel what other people do, want what other people want, you want to date someone without getting sick and tired of them. The problem is, if you don’t date the right person, you get tired anyway. And you may not be in love with the not-right person, but you feel fond of them, and when the time to break up with them comes … you feel guilty about not feeling bad.

A ‘clingy’ person and an ‘indifferent’ person just don’t work out together. And no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that you’ll be able to find a point of equilibrium … you can’t.