one hundred chapters

of love and other things

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#4 – Jealousy: when is it acceptable?

I decided to write about jealousy for the simple fact that I’m feeling it right now. And I do mean right at this very moment.

So here’s the deal: less than a week ago, I broke up with my 3-month boyfriend because he was too clingy, too submissive, and he liked me way more than I would ever like him. However, we appear to have somehow remained friends (although I have my doubts on whether he’s just hopeful that I’ll go back to him again or if it’s really just friendship).

This evening, I was talking to him on Facebook (where else, right?) when he said he was going to go out to a popular nightclub in the city (despite the fact that he has an exam at 9 am tomorrow, but that’s really not my business) tonight. I was a little uncomfortable by it, only because he could actually pass the exam and he’s throwing it away to go out and get drunk, but 3 hours later and I suddenly remembered that, well … what if he hooks up with another girl?

I know how I am. When I decide that I’ve had enough of something and want to end it, I start coming up with reasons as to why I should, and end up saying thinks like: ‘I want to make out with other people’, ‘I don’t feel like spending time with him’, ‘I don’t really like him that much’, only to realize that I could have overcome the original problem and have a stable relationship after all.

So now I’m confused, jealous, and I’m not sure if I even have the right to be.

What do you think? Should I be jealous that he gets with another girl despite the fact that we’re over and I’m very determined so that we don’t get back together? Or is it normal and okay, as long as I don’t actually confront him about it?

(I’m seriously worried about this.)